two-year-old & Sleep Issues

Toddlerhood can sometimes be hard, but at the same time it can be really amazing to watch your child unfold. Seeing your little one transform into a little person with interests, wants, and needs, is often fun to watch. Around 2 years old, their speech really develops and your child goes from single phrases, to putting words together into sentences. Their brain is developing rapidly, and they have a newfound way of communicating. However, this can also cause tantrums and frustrations in their daily life. Sometimes parents will also see it affect their sleep, as the kids now knows how to stall and request more at bedtime. I often get calls from parents who’ve had ‘perfect sleepers’ and all of a sudden, their child is no longer sleeping.

What are common issues that arise at this age and how can you address them?

Stalling & Protesting Bedtime:

 My husband always used to ask me ‘why are the boys protesting brushing their teeth, if it’s something they do EVERY night and they know they need to? It’s not like it’s something new!?’ And it’s so true! Why are they protesting?....This is mostly your little one asserting their independence. Using their new verbal skills to see if they can get away with doing something they don’t want to do. Doing something that means it’s time to end the day. Some toddlers will push back on bedtime, by requesting more and more books, or one more hug. Or even some water and trips to the bathroom. So how can you ensure that bedtime doesn’t fall apart?

1. Set up a routine: If you haven’t done so already, set up a regular bedtime routine that helps your child transition from playtime to sleepy time. This is crucial, as your child needs time to transition and unwind before sleep.

2. Make it short: Don’t deviate from the routine. Make sure you have the routine set up and while you don’t want to rush through it, you don’t want to let it run too long. Once the routine starts, it shouldn’t take more than about 15 minutes (teeth brushing, potty, books, cuddles, and tuck in).

3. Make it fun: Bringing some spark into the routine always helps keep it a little less stressful, especially at the end of the day when everyone is tired.

4. Provide choices: Having your child have some input on the routine, helps them feel independent, and part of the routine. Rather than being told what to do with everything. Have your child choose the books, or where you’ll be reading them.

5. Set limits and follow through: While this is the hardest, you need to make sure you set up limits. If you’ve told your little one there’s only 2 books and now they’re requesting one more, you cannot give in! Once you give in once, this just opens the door to more requests.

Bedtime Callbacks:

 With this newfound verbal requests, often comes your little one requesting you to come back after you’ve tucked them in. I remember with my two older boys, they always knew what to say to my husband and I to get us to come back. To my husband: ‘let me tell you what I did today.’ To me: ‘one more hug mami.’ Bedtime is often hard as it signifies the day is ending and for our little ones it includes separating from mom and dad. They know how to start requesting different things to get you to come back, and we often fall into the trap.

1. Respond consistently: This is always the number one rule in ensuring your child’s sleep doesn’t fall apart. Whether that means you’re doing a quick check/reassurance, or telling your child you’ll check on them before you go to sleep. Try not to engage in the requests and do a quick check in without starting to scream and negotiate.   

2. Call out last one: While reading the last book in the routine, or while tucking your little one in and giving  a hug, remind your child that it’s the ‘last one (hug, tuck, kiss etc).’ Giving them a heads up that there will be no more books, kisses, tuck ins etc., can help avoid the more requests later on.

3. Don’t give into requests: And of course, do NOT do what your child is asking you to do. Often we fall into the trap. And we must be careful to tell our kids we will not do it, and stick to our words. You can redirect and say ‘we can read that book tomorrow morning at breakfast.’

You’re Stuck Laying Down With Them To Fall Asleep:

 Around this age, many parents end up moving their little one into a bed. As you all know, I don’t suggest doing this until your child is 3 years old, or older. The change from a crib to an open bed, is a very big one. Sometimes our little ones gets scared, or starts coming out of their bed and this is when parents will often end up lying down with their child in their bed to get them to stay and fall asleep. Try not to start this habit, as it can cause sleep regressions.

1. Behavioral Clock: Behavioral Clocks are a great tool in teaching your child when is bedtime and when is wake up time. A nightlight that teaches your child when it’s OK to come out of the bed/room and when it’s OK start their day.

2. Gate or latch: I don’t suggest locking the door to your child’s door, as this can cause some anxiety at this age. Rather, I suggest putting up a gate or latch at the door, so the door can remain open (or open enough) so your little one can see the hallway and some light, and feel comfortable in the room.

3. Reassurance: While we want to reassure, we have to be careful on what we’re doing to reassure. Responding is necessary, but how you do it should be minimal or enough not to create a new sleep crutch. Whether that’s going to the doorway to remind them they’re OK and it’s bedtime. Or sitting in the room by the door to comfort them. Of course, if you do decide to do this method, you have to make sure you work your way out of the room so that you’re not stuck sitting in the room all night.

Did your little one just turn 2? Are you seeing any of these new habits start forming? Let’s talk!

Issues With Your Toddler's Routine? Try These Tips

Bedtime routines are a strong foundation in setting up healthy sleep habits for your child. It’s what really helps signal our kids that it’s time to go to sleep. It helps them transition from play time/awake time to sleepy time. It signals the brain to continue secreting melatonin, which is that calming, soothing hormone we all produce when we’re sleepy.

Routines in general shouldn’t be too long and there should be one for nap time and one for bedtime. You can start setting up a routine with your little one when she is as young as 6-8 weeks old. And while that routine looks a lot different than when your child is 4 years old, it should have the same foundation; 4 B’s. - Bath, Bottle/Breast, Book, Bed. When your little one is a baby, the second B is breast or bottle. When they are older, it’s brush teeth. And when they are 12 months old you are reading them the book. But when they are 6 years old, they can read the book to you. Regardless of how it’s tweaked along the way, the foundation is set at an early age.

The issue is, is that most parents start finding the routine hard to keep to when their child becomes a toddler and the routine starts falling a part. In general, we all know that toddlers can change everything up, with their newfound idea of wanting independence and control, but many parents see the change also in the sleep routine process. Children start fighting the routine. Procrastinating. Thinking of every excuse to prolong bedtime. More books. Not wanting to go brush their teeth. And so much more. How can you ensure that the routine stays on track and doesn’t fall apart. Check out these tips for each part of the process:

Leading up to the bedtime routine: Ending the fun and announcing that it’s bedtime is always the hardest. Kids don’t want to part with their toys, or turn off the TV and go to sleep. Especially if their siblings and parents are staying awake, while they need to go to sleep. Or if there are guests over, and they are the ones who need to go to sleep and can’t stay up with the rest of the gang.

1. Make sure the TV/screens are turned off BEFORE you start the routine. So have another ‘activity’ that isn’t screen related once you turn off the TV before it’s time to start the bedtime routine. Whether that’s playing with blocks, coloring, or playing with dolls. Something that they can entertain themselves and hang out with, but not a screen. Screen time can affect the production of melatonin and can cause the opposite affect; hyper and awake. Screens are always the hardest to part with.  

2. Announce that bedtime is coming up but that she will still have time to do one more thing. So if she’s coloring, tell her that she can finish coloring with the red crayon and then it’s time to start the routine. Or she can finish coloring that page, and then it’s time to put the colors and book away. Give your child a heads up that the routine will start soon and she can part with her activity with one last ‘thing.’

Getting them to start the routine: No child wants to go to sleep. And especially separate from their parents and end the day. Getting them to even start the routine can sometimes be challenging. After you have had them complete their task or finish their playtime, you will need to get her to go brush their teeth. Of course, this isn’t as fun as playing or hanging out. How do you get them to do this? Introduce play into the boring task.

1. Bring in fun: Race your child up the stairs to see who gets there first. Or suggest hopping on one foot to the bathroom. .Try to brush your teeth standing on one foot. Perhaps swap bathrooms – your child brushes her teeth in your bathroom, and you in hers? Try to think of silly and fun ways to get them to start the process.

During the routine: So you’ve finally gotten your child to separate from her toys and you’ve started the routine. She’s in his pjs, brushed teeth, and now in she’s ready for the second part of the routine- books and bed. Usually by then your little one should be ready to finish the routine, however sometimes it can get a little tricky.

1. Have your child pick out TWO or THREE books that she wants you to read. You should tell her how many she can pick out, and she can pick which books. You can also give her a few books and tell her to pick out from the ones you’ve selected.

2. If your child is old enough, you can change locations of where you will be reading the books. Her bed, her floor, your bed, the living room. Reading the books, doesn’t necessarily have to be in her room, but it is often suggested for it. Regardless of the location, you want to make sure that it’s a calm setting and not in front of the TV.

3. Making the books fun. Reading a book doesn’t always necessarily need to be boring. The hardcover short books are what you’re aiming for but can make it engaging and fun. Try using silly voices while reading them. Books can also be fun and engaging, like the ‘Touch and Feel’ for the younger ones. Or even the ‘press the button’ ones to make sounds. ‘Seek and Find’ are great books for the older ones! The one we love most in our home is Richard Scarry’s “Cars and Trucks and Things that Go!” So fun finding Goldbug!! You can read the book together, or if they’re old enough, have your read you a book.

After the routine before bed: This is where it sometimes gets harder as the child doesn’t want you to finish the routine. Most will start requesting another book, or more water, or more cuddles. If you are consistent and stick to the checklist of the routine, it will help you stay on track and not let the whole routine fall apart. Ensuring that the last transition is smooth. At this point you want to stop with the fun and bring in the soothing, calming part.

1. Mindful meditation: A good calming technique that I did often with my boys when they were younger is mindful meditation. Now that they’re older, they will still sometimes do it on their own with an app. Listening to a guided meditation can really help calm your child’s body, thoughts and breathing. You can do it together with your child in their room.  

2. Good night cuddles and talk: One last moment with your child and make it special. A few cuddles, hugs, and kisses. Make sure not to linger too much though. A little conversation about how her day was, and what she’s looking forward to. A fun activity I did with my kids is to ask them what they wanted to dream about. To think of anything. Maybe dreaming of swimming in a bowl of cream or pasta. Or flying through the clouds. This leaves your toddler with happy soothing thoughts as they drift off into sleep.

Is your toddler resisting bedtime and want to talk more? Let’s set up a call!

Toddler Bedtime Struggles & How To Handle Them

We all know that the toddler stage can be tough. Fun, but tough. Kids at this age and stage really start becoming little humans. They’re growing and learning so much. Soaking every little detail in, all their experiences throughout the day. While they’re trying to go about their day and foster their independence. They’re also seeking direction, guidance, and love and support from us. So they’re basically trying to be little humans, but they obviously can’t do it on their own. So they look to us, their parents, their caregivers, to help guide them to direct them in the right way. They need our constant response.

 As their little brains are growing, they’re also learning cause and effect. They’re learning what type of consequences will happen when. They are trying to learn impulse control and they’re learning how to control their own emotions. So imagine they’ve got rules and regulations placed upon them, and then they try to push them, push those boundaries. They want to see what will happen if I do something? What will mommy do if I don’t follow the rules? How can I show my independence?

 And then this is where the issues begin. Now on the parent’s side, we’re here to provide support, love, and raise our kids to foster that independence yet in a safe way. Our kids are young and we’re constantly teaching them what’s right and wrong and trying to direct them in the right way. And can you imagine, after a full day of being with them, playing with them, interacting with them by the end of the day, we’re just so exhausted. We spend all our physical and emotional strength on our kids. And then we also have to deal with work, personal life, relationships. So sometimes at the end of the day, we are just so tired.

 The end of the day is the hardest. And this is where the bedtime battles begin. Our kids start to unfold. We start to slip up and loose control, and then things start to unravel. Our kids are tired. And so are we. Bedtime is the perfect scenario at the end of the day, when everyone’s tired, that issues will start coming up.

 Resisting the bedtime routine altogether: So you have your bedtime routine in place, and every night you tell your child to brush their teeth, and every night it’s another battle. Why are they resisting it? Don’t they know this is something we do every night? Really what’s going on here is that your toddler does not want to go to sleep. They don’t want to end the day. And more importantly, they don’t want to separate from you. Resistance is about separation. So the first step in addressing your child’s issue of resisting the bedtime routine is realizing that. Realize that it’s the act of separating and ending that fun day that they are fighting. They’re not fighting you on whether they should brush her teeth or not. They’re just fighting on the bedtime routine that we’re doing signifies an end of the day, and they don’t want that. Once you can internalize that and realize it’s coming from an emotional misbalance from your child, who just wants to continue playing, you need to then take it from there.

Routines are still important. So here are a few tactics to make it a smoother process:

1.     First is set up a regular routine. You want to set up your regular bedtime routine that is done every single night, same thing. So that there’s no unfamiliarity. So there’s no surprises to these toddlers. Because remember, toddlers like to know what’s coming up ahead, toddlers don’t like surprises. Just like during the daytime, when they’re at school, they have circle time, then play time, then snack time. The same should happen with their bedtime routine. You want to create that routine that is done every single night and they know what’s going on.

2.     Visual charts: A visual that shows your child doing each tactic. The chart is great because it’s a visual reminder for your child of what the bedtime routine entails, what’s coming up next. For example, the chart would show a picture of a child brushing their teeth, and then putting on their pajamas. And then there’s books with mommy in bed, and then the lights are off, and the child is sleeping in their bed. I suggest using images, as most of these kids can’t read yet. It is a great reminder that your child can look at and know what’s coming up ahead and it also takes away from “mommy and daddy say this is next.”

3.     Reminders along the way: As you are going through the routine with your child, remind your child what’s coming up ahead. “Okay, we’re going to brush our teeth, and after that, we’re going to go read our books.” So that the child is constantly reminded of what’s going on and knows what’s coming up ahead and it makes it easier for the parent to stay on course.

4.     Give them some sense of control: The other part to make the bedtime routine a little bit easier on your toddler, is have your child be a part of the process. Tell your kids, they can choose their pajamas. They can choose what books you’re going to read that night, but the parents sets it up for them. For example, “okay sweetie, you get to pick out two books tonight, and those are the two books that mommy will read.” So if you notice the parent is saying ‘two’ that’s how many books we’re reading. The parent controls the amount of books and the child can pick out the books. This still gives the child a chance to be a part of the decision process at bedtime. They don’t feel like they’re being dictated throughout the night what to do next. Of course, you have to be careful with how many options you’re giving your child because that can open the door to a whole other level.

5.     Make it silly and playful: We’re all tired at the end of the day, and as parents we often just want to end the day and rush through the bedtime routine. If you start feeling your child resisting the routine and it becomes a screaming battle, try to bring some fun into the routine. Hopping over to the bathroom to brush teeth. Tiptoeing to the room to read books. Race up the stairs to the room. Bring some fun and games to the bedtime routine!

When Should I Move My Child To a Bed?

Transitioning your child from a crib to a bed is a big deal! Not only is she now a “big girl,” but going from being inside the crib with the comfort of the railings to keep her safe and secure, to an open bed, is a BIG change. Most parents rush to do this a little too quickly and then sleep starts falling apart.

A few things to know:

• First things first, do NOT move your child to a bed “to fix her sleep problems.” If your little one is having sleep issues, you will continue seeing them when she is in a bed and maybe even worse. It is suggested to address the sleep issues first, then transition her to a bed.

• Wait until she is at least 3 years old or older. Under the age of 3, it is very hard cognitively for your little one to understand that she has the freedom of getting in and out, but must respect the correct sleep habits of staying in her bed.

• The age that you transition your child to a bed does not determine how smart she is. Don’t rush in transitioning your little one to a bed, if she’s happily sleeping in her crib. If she moves to a bed at 3 or at 4 years old, it will NOT determine what college she’ll get into.

Need help in transitioning your little one to a bed? Call me and we can talk it over.

Infant & Toddler Sleep Development

You child’s sleep patterns are constantly changing the first few months. Right when you think you’ve got it, your child will go through another change in their sleep habits. It’s good to know the basics of the infant and toddler sleep development to help guide you along the process.  

0 to 4 weeks:

A newborn this age needs to sleep every hour or so, due to the high level of brain development and growth. She must shut down due to the stimulation that being awake creates. At this age, your baby can’t fully distinguish day from night until about around 8 weeks. There is no such thing as spoiling your baby too much. Holding her to sleep is mostly the norm.

5 to 8 weeks:

Night biorhythms begin to emerge and your baby’s brain starts organizing nighttime sleep. She can sleep up to 4 or 5 hour stretches at night. You can help her distinguish between day and night as she begins to establish her natural circadian rhythms. The brain takes longer in sorting out daytime sleep, so napping will remain a little disorganized until around 12 weeks. Make sure your baby doesn’t stay awake more than 2 hours, as this will over stimulate her.

9 to 12 weeks:

Her daytime sleep is more structured with regular naps, and she can be awake for 3-hour stretches. She now requires deeper sleep, which her brain can’t perform if she is in motion (e.g., in a swing or stroller). Begin to gently adjust and mold her rhythm into a flexible schedule and create a bedtime routine for nap and night. The routine helps create familiarity and structures a transition from awake time to sleep time.

Fourth and Fifth months:

Neurologically, the character of your baby’s sleep is changing as melatonin secretion begins to rise, increasing non-REM sleep. This means she now sleeps more deeply than a newborn. Her partial arousals are more distinct and she feels more awake during them. This is an excellent time to begin sleep coaching your baby, as bad sleep habits aren’t deeply ingrained, she is more receptive to a predictable schedule, and she has the ability to soothe herself.

Nine to Twelve Months:

Your baby now will need an average of 11 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night and 3 hours during the day. The length between waking from the last nap to going to bed at night should not exceed 4 hours. If your baby has more than 3-4 hours between the end of the last nap and bedtime, she can become overtired. She’ll have a harder time falling asleep at bedtime, she’ll wake up more often in the middle of the night, and she’ll more likely have early risings. By this age, you should have completely eliminated night feedings. 

Thirteen to Eighteen Months:

At this age your child needs an average of 11 hours of interrupted sleep at night and 2 – 2.5 hours of daytime sleep. Most children transition from two to one nap a day.

Nightmares & Night Terrors

Watching your child wake in the middle of the night screaming and crying from a nightmare is hard to do. We want to be able to calm our child down and reassure them that everything’s OK. But often times, what your child may be experiencing isn’t a nightmare, but a night terror. Many of my Clients confuse night terrors and nightmares, and then in turn don’t know how to respond and avoid them from happening again. It’s important to know what causes a nightmare and night terror, and how to respond to your child for each scenario.

Nightmares:

Nightmares occur when your child is dreaming in REM sleep, which happens at the end of the sleep cycle. These often start happening between the ages of 2-5 when their imagination starts growing, and they are learning the difference between what’s real and what’s not. When your child is having a nightmare they will call for you, and seek for your comfort. They will be awake and able to communicate what is bothering them, and the following morning they can continue expressing their feelings about what happened the night before. It may take some time to comfort them in the middle of the night, but eventually with some reassurance they will calm down. Nightmares are very common and are apart of a child’s development. Of course, nightmares are more common after a scary situation or if your child has recently gone through a tough situation.

Make sure to:

1. Avoid TV and screens 1 hour before bedtime.

2. Avoid scary shows, videos, games, and books.

3. Respond to your child when she’s having a nightmare, quickly and reassure her.

4. Have your child get enough sleep, as being overtired can increase nightmares.

 Night Terrors:

Unlike nightmares, when your child is experiencing a night terror she will not be aware or conscious of it, nor will she remember it the next day. Night terrors occur during NON-REM sleep (coming out of the deep part of sleep), usually within 2 hours of her falling asleep. Night terrors are NOT nightmares; they are not bad dreams and do not occur during the “dream part of sleep.” It is mainly your child getting “stuck” transitioning from one sleep cycle to the next. Night terrors also sometimes occur during a developmental leap. They are more common in boys, and occur in 5% of all children.

Here your child will also scream or cry out and appear a little anxious. However in this case, your child is often inconsolable. Whatever you try to do to calm your child down just doesn’t work; she doesn’t seem to be responding to your voice or hugs. A night terror usually doesn’t last more than about 15 minutes. The good thing is your child will not remember this the next morning. Ideally, since your child isn’t really awake, you are to leave your child be and let her transition to the next sleep cycle on her own. Often interfering can cause more harm, so just monitor her from afar making sure she’s safe through the episode and not getting hurt (i.e. falling out of bed).

Make sure to:

1. Keep your child on a regular sleep schedule, as lack of sleep can cause night terrors.

2. Allow for an earlier bedtime (even if by only 30 minutes) so your child can catch up on sleep.

3. Avoid screens 1 hour before bedtime.

4. If your child is having consistent night terrors, keep a log to see if there’s a pattern.

5. If there’s a pattern to your child’s night terrors (always happening at the same time each night), you can wake her briefly 15 minutes before the time of night terror, in order to help her transition to the sleep cycle without experiencing a night terror.

As you can see night terrors and nightmares are very different, and require different responses. It’s important to understand the difference and be able to identify them in your children.

Transitioning To The Big Boy Bed

Sometimes parents are rushing to get their child out of the crib and into a big boy bed. What parents don’t realize is that moving them too soon can really affect their sleep. It isn’t recommended to transition your child too soon. Removing the rails of the crib, and having the bed open is a very big change for your child. The familiarity and the confinement of the crib provides a sense of security that your little one has had since birth. You know your child best, so think about how much your child understands and can express themselves. Moving a 2-year-old into a bed, when he’s just not cognitively developed to understand the new bedtime rules while enjoying the freedom, will only cause more bedtime issues.

Before transitioning your son into a bed, I would make sure he is already sleeping well. Is he putting himself to sleep without any issues at bedtime? Is he sleeping through the night? Is he waking up at a reasonable time? If your child is having sleep issues, moving him into a bed won’t necessarily “resolve” the issue, it often can make it worse. While before you had a child crying in the crib, you will now have a child running out of the bed and into the living room, where you will find yourself having to bring him back and forth to bed.

Please do not consider moving your little one if and when…

• A sibling is born and you need the crib for the newborn

• Moving, so might as well transition him to a new house in a new bed

• Your friends are doing it, so you should too.

If your child…

• Is at least 3 years old

• Can put themselves to sleep with no issues

• Is sleeping through the night regularly

• Wakes up for the day at reasonable time and does not have early rising.

• Or of course, is jumping out of the crib and you have tried to safely keep him in there with sleep training methods that are now unsuccessful.

Then you can transition him to a bed. Below are 7 recommendations on how to make the transition smoother:

1. Involve your child in the room change. Have him pick out the new bed sheets, and any new décor/bed that is involved with his new sleep space.

2. Sit down with your child and have a “family meeting” to talk about this new step. Explain to him in a positive note what is happening and what the bedtime rules are. Perhaps leverage in an older sibling or cousin to explain how he too now is a big boy!

3. Create a manners chart. Make sure to create this together and keep it on a positive note. Discuss what the reward system will be for the sleep manners in his new bed. For example: At bedtime, I will lay down quietly. Reward: a sticker

4. Behavioral Tot Clock. This is great for the toddlers who can’t tell time yet, but know the difference between day and night. These clocks use programmed color lights/images to show the child when it’s bedtime and when it’s OK to wake up and get out of bed. Make sure that as parents you reinforce this daily. My favorite one is the Good Nite Lite.

5. Consider putting up a safety gate at the doorway of the room. With the crib railings down, you may want to consider putting the gate at the doorway to not only confine the space safely so your child can’t roam about the house in the middle of the night. But it also creates a crib like feeling to the entire room.

6. Make sure the bed has a railing as well. Until your child gets used to sleeping in a bed without the crib rails, you want to make sure you put up a bed rail. You can perhaps put the bed against the wall, so she'll have protection on both sides, and not fall out. The bed rail still allows the child to get in and out of his bed comfortably.

7. Respond consistently. With toddlers, unlike babies, they are constantly looking to test the boundaries, while still needing them. It is up to us as the parents and caregivers to provide those boundaries and respond consistently. They will soon learn how to push them and figure out “what is right and what is wrong.” Make sure that as he gets used to his new sleep space, you respond consistently giving him some time to adjust.