Toddler Bedtime Struggles & How To Handle Them
We all know that the toddler stage can be tough. Fun, but tough. Kids at this age and stage really start becoming little humans. They’re growing and learning so much. Soaking every little detail in, all their experiences throughout the day. While they’re trying to go about their day and foster their independence. They’re also seeking direction, guidance, and love and support from us. So they’re basically trying to be little humans, but they obviously can’t do it on their own. So they look to us, their parents, their caregivers, to help guide them to direct them in the right way. They need our constant response.
As their little brains are growing, they’re also learning cause and effect. They’re learning what type of consequences will happen when. They are trying to learn impulse control and they’re learning how to control their own emotions. So imagine they’ve got rules and regulations placed upon them, and then they try to push them, push those boundaries. They want to see what will happen if I do something? What will mommy do if I don’t follow the rules? How can I show my independence?
And then this is where the issues begin. Now on the parent’s side, we’re here to provide support, love, and raise our kids to foster that independence yet in a safe way. Our kids are young and we’re constantly teaching them what’s right and wrong and trying to direct them in the right way. And can you imagine, after a full day of being with them, playing with them, interacting with them by the end of the day, we’re just so exhausted. We spend all our physical and emotional strength on our kids. And then we also have to deal with work, personal life, relationships. So sometimes at the end of the day, we are just so tired.
The end of the day is the hardest. And this is where the bedtime battles begin. Our kids start to unfold. We start to slip up and loose control, and then things start to unravel. Our kids are tired. And so are we. Bedtime is the perfect scenario at the end of the day, when everyone’s tired, that issues will start coming up.
Resisting the bedtime routine altogether: So you have your bedtime routine in place, and every night you tell your child to brush their teeth, and every night it’s another battle. Why are they resisting it? Don’t they know this is something we do every night? Really what’s going on here is that your toddler does not want to go to sleep. They don’t want to end the day. And more importantly, they don’t want to separate from you. Resistance is about separation. So the first step in addressing your child’s issue of resisting the bedtime routine is realizing that. Realize that it’s the act of separating and ending that fun day that they are fighting. They’re not fighting you on whether they should brush her teeth or not. They’re just fighting on the bedtime routine that we’re doing signifies an end of the day, and they don’t want that. Once you can internalize that and realize it’s coming from an emotional misbalance from your child, who just wants to continue playing, you need to then take it from there.
Routines are still important. So here are a few tactics to make it a smoother process:
1. First is set up a regular routine. You want to set up your regular bedtime routine that is done every single night, same thing. So that there’s no unfamiliarity. So there’s no surprises to these toddlers. Because remember, toddlers like to know what’s coming up ahead, toddlers don’t like surprises. Just like during the daytime, when they’re at school, they have circle time, then play time, then snack time. The same should happen with their bedtime routine. You want to create that routine that is done every single night and they know what’s going on.
2. Visual charts: A visual that shows your child doing each tactic. The chart is great because it’s a visual reminder for your child of what the bedtime routine entails, what’s coming up next. For example, the chart would show a picture of a child brushing their teeth, and then putting on their pajamas. And then there’s books with mommy in bed, and then the lights are off, and the child is sleeping in their bed. I suggest using images, as most of these kids can’t read yet. It is a great reminder that your child can look at and know what’s coming up ahead and it also takes away from “mommy and daddy say this is next.”
3. Reminders along the way: As you are going through the routine with your child, remind your child what’s coming up ahead. “Okay, we’re going to brush our teeth, and after that, we’re going to go read our books.” So that the child is constantly reminded of what’s going on and knows what’s coming up ahead and it makes it easier for the parent to stay on course.
4. Give them some sense of control: The other part to make the bedtime routine a little bit easier on your toddler, is have your child be a part of the process. Tell your kids, they can choose their pajamas. They can choose what books you’re going to read that night, but the parents sets it up for them. For example, “okay sweetie, you get to pick out two books tonight, and those are the two books that mommy will read.” So if you notice the parent is saying ‘two’ that’s how many books we’re reading. The parent controls the amount of books and the child can pick out the books. This still gives the child a chance to be a part of the decision process at bedtime. They don’t feel like they’re being dictated throughout the night what to do next. Of course, you have to be careful with how many options you’re giving your child because that can open the door to a whole other level.
5. Make it silly and playful: We’re all tired at the end of the day, and as parents we often just want to end the day and rush through the bedtime routine. If you start feeling your child resisting the routine and it becomes a screaming battle, try to bring some fun into the routine. Hopping over to the bathroom to brush teeth. Tiptoeing to the room to read books. Race up the stairs to the room. Bring some fun and games to the bedtime routine!