Separation Anxiety and Sleep
Have you noticed your child extra clingy lately? She doesn’t let you leave her playing on her own for one minute? Will cry when you leave her for just one second? This can be that she is going through a separation anxiety peak. Your child will go through these peaks at many points during their first two years (6-9 months, 12 months, 18 months, and 2 years old), as they try to understand object permanence. The act of separating from their parent gets them sad and anxious, as they are still trying to understand "mommy comes back" even though we're separating. "Mommy still exists" even though I don't see her.
But did you know that this can affect sleep and cause sleep regressions? When putting your child down to sleep, she will start crying where she normally doesn't. But that's OK! It's normal! If your child is going through this, you can still respond to her, while still keeping to healthy sleep habits and rules. Sitting by your child to comfort her is OK, but make sure you don't start creating sleep crutches.
A few tips on how to handle the separation anxiety peak and sleep issues:
Security Object: Does your little one have a lovey or security object? If not, this is a great time to introduce one. A small, breathable, light lovey that she can hold onto can help ease the transition from mommy to the crib.
Respond: When your child is going through a separation anxiety peak, it is important to respond to her; she needs to know you are there. Remember, this is her trying to understand you are “still there” even tough she can’t see you. Whether you choose to go in for a quick check, or stay by their crib to offer reassurance. Either way, it is important for your child to be able to see you once you have put her in the crib.
Consistency: The key to not letting this affect your child’s sleep long term, is to decide on one way you want to respond to your child, and stick to it! If one day you leave your child crying, and then the next time you come in and hold her to sleep, can cause confusion. Remember to stay consistent in how you respond.
Play games: Peek-a-boo is a common game we play with our little ones. But what parents don’t realize is that this is an essential game to help them understand object permanence. “I hear mommy, but I don’t see her, oh now I do!” Try to play lots of peek-a-boo, and even hide-and-seek for the older ones!
Read Books: There are a lot of great visual books to help your child through this process. Reading to her and showing pictures of the actual “separation” can help your child understand what’s going on. Here’s a great list of books.
Hang in there! These are just peaks that your child will go through that are important for their development. We want them to go through this, experience, and learn from this. If you find that you are having troubles with your child’s sleep, contact me. Let’s talk!!