Why Won't My Baby Sleep?
As parents we are always learning. Unfortunately, this parenting gig does not come with an instructional manual, and we really are learning as we go. A lot of times we will make mistakes and realize we are doing so, and then fix them. And sometimes, we don’t even realize they are mistakes, and we can’t figure out the solution to our problem.
What are common sleep mistakes that you may not realize you’re doing?
1. Skipping a nap: Have you heard of sleep begets sleep? Better day sleep = better night sleep. Many parents think that if their baby skips her nap, she’ll be even more tired and will sleep more at night and catch up on sleep. That’s actually the opposite! When our kids don’t get the right amount of sleep they need during the day, it can affect their night sleep overall. They’ll wake up frequently and have early rising. During the day our little ones need that deep sleep, in order to get that deep sleep at night.
2. Do bedtime later: Another common mistake, also related to the one mentioned above is, pushing bedtime later so that she wakes up later the next day. Unfortunately our little ones are not teenagers! They won’t just go to sleep really late and wake up really early the next day. In fact, the opposite, they will wake up at their usual time or even earlier! Our kids have a certain awake window by age. They can only stay up for a certain amount of time. If we exceed that awake window, keep them up far later than they can handle, they will actually fall asleep overtired, with cortisol kicking in their system. And when an overtired child exceeds her awake window, she will actually have early rising, and wake up *earlier* the next day.
3. Respond right away when baby is stirring at night: Most first-time parents aren’t used to the crying and the different noises the baby makes. Some of us are a little more anxious and when they hear a sudden noise they rush to the baby. Sometimes leaving them be, rather than rushing to their room is a good thing. We give them the opportunity to relax and self-settle without disruption.
4. Sleep crutches: It is recommended to use any means (as long as it’s safe) to help your newborn sleep. There are no bad habits those first few months. But what many parents don’t realize is that those do turn into bad habits if you continue them far beyond the age of 6 months old. Parents will often continue rocking, holding, or feeding their little one to a sleepy drowsy state far beyond the age necessary for that. Then, the child starts depending on these sleep crutches, which can in turn create sleep issues later. The child will need this sleep crutch to help fall asleep and fall back asleep, and that’s where night issues arise.
5. Not having a routine: Kids thrive on routine and predictability. It helps calm them down as they don’t like the unexpected. They love the same book over and over again. They love watching the same show or hearing the same song over again. Same with sleep. It is recommended to create a sleep routine before nap time and bedtime. Studies show that if you set up a routine of about 10 minutes before nap time and bedtime, and repeat this every day, it can create better sleep overall. It helps the child transition from playtime to sleep in a calming soothing manner. The child doesn’t feel rushed in going to sleep and spends some time winding down the same way every day.
6. Not having a sleep space: Getting used to the life of parenting, often involves having to buckle down and not have the freedom of being out and about all day. This may be a hard change for some parents, and then they start compromising their little one’s sleep. Sleeping on the go is not as comfortable as sleeping in our beds. Sleeping in a noisy, bright place also doesn’t really promote sleep. It is recommended to create a sleep space that is conducive to sleeping; dark, quiet, and cozy sleep environment. Your child will start associating sleep with that space want to go to sleep.
7. Too much day sleep: Naps are important, but when our little one’s sleep too much, it can take away from their night sleep. Our children have a max total amount of sleep they should be getting in a 24-hour period. While some will nap less than others, the ones that nap too long, will not be as tired for a regular bedtime (have a later bedtime) and will sleep a lot less at night and wake up earlier.
8. Removing the pacifier too soon: Many parents rush to get rid of the pacifier when their toddler is 2 years old. I often find that getting rid of it at a young age will result in the child boycotting naps, and sleep falling apart. It is easier to remove the pacifier when your child is 3 years old, so you can have a conversation with her explaining the change. It will take some time of adjustment, but she will soon get the hang of it.
9. Moving to bed: Another common mistake that parents do too soon is transitioning their little one out of the crib and into a bed. This is another transition that I would suggest doing once your child is age appropriate to understand what it means to have the liberty of coming out of the bed, but not doing so. Toddlers under the age of 3 years old, don’t understand that they must stay in their bed and not wander around. Unless your little one has jumped out of the crib, she can sleep comfortably in her crib until 3 years old or even older!
10. Missing the sleepy cues: Sleep cues tell us when our child is tired. When they start secreting melatonin and are getting tired and ready to fall asleep. If we miss those cues, we tend to keep our kids up longer, stretching their awake window. Make sure to know those awake windows well, and then look for those cues at that time. Get to know them as each child can present them differently.